If there ever was a scripture that I could say was THE scripture most responsible for saving my life it would be II Timothy 1:12….”I KNOW whom I have believed and AM PERSUADED that HE IS ABLE to keep that which I’ve committed unto Him against that day.”

I want to talk for a while about what that scripture truly means. When I got saved several years ago, I trusted no one. I did not know HOW to trust anyone. I felt emotionally and spiritually “betrayed” by those I was closest to, by those from whom I expected love and understanding. It was very difficult for me to get close to anyone really, so when my Christian friend read me this scripture about truly getting to “KNOW” God, and to rely on Him, to truly BELIEVE in the miraculous work of healing and deliverance I’d prayed for….my first reaction was to run. I was good at running. I had run from all kinds of relationships. I had backed off from anything that had gotten too “real”, too intimate or too honest.

I wasn’t used to “truth”.

Truth was like a bitter pill to me.

When Jesus came into my life and entered into my heart and took things over, He began to lead me by His Holy Spirit. I had opened the door to the Savior of Mankind! I had been enveloped in His Holy Spirit and I had received the gift of a new prayer language…the gift of other tongues! It was so miraculous a thing to me! It was something I had never even heard of when it happened to me! It was something that made me feel strong and close to God! It was a gift of new strength that God had miraculously given me in order to bring me closer to Him and to bridge the gap between my heart and the Heart of the Father in Heaven. He so much wanted to restore my trust! He so much wanted to restore my faith! He so much wanted to HEAL ME in the deepest places!

I had been in psychiatrists’ offices for years! I had been in and out of hospitals for years! I had done everything I knew to heal from depression and I had only grown worse. After I found Jesus Christ, I started to read the Word of God. It was very sketchy at first because of all the drugs I was taking from the doctors in my life. I could only read about 10 minutes at a time and the letters would start to blur!

There was much cleansing of my mind that God had begun to do! I was told that God “had not given me a spirit of fear, but of love and power and a sound mind”….(II Tim. 1:7), but I was not sure how to find all that love and power and how God was going to take my devastated mind and turn it into a “sound mind”!

I was told to “believe.” I was told to “memorize and quote scripture”. I was told to “go to church” and to “pray” and to “sing praise and worship songs” and all of these things were good!

But when I looked at my life, it still seemed hopeless!

I was a person on many drugs. I smoked. I drank alchohol, and even worse than those things, I abused myself physically! I disfigured my right hand by biting one finger and I had done this for years! It was an addiction to which I saw no way out. I had a deep emotional disorder that disfiguring my finger seemed to calm! I would bite and chew on the knuckle of my index finger until blood would come. Sometimes the relaxation of my nerves would be so intense when blood came that I almost passed out! It was something I never talked about and no one else did either, but everyone I knew, knew I did this. There is no way I could hide the horrible disfigurement of my right hand!

This began in my life at age 5 and continued throughout my adult hood. In all the years I had been seeing doctors and psychiatrists, I had never even had a doctor ask me what was wrong with my finger. They passed by the situation as if it did not exist.

But when I found Jesus, He began to pour out His Love upon me.

Receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit was the greatest moment in my life of feeling loved I had ever known! The Spirit of God filled my kitchen as I allowed Jesus Christ to enter my deeply wounded heart! I was so enveloped in the presence of God there in my house that it was almost three hours before I could speak in English again! The language of the Holy Spirit began to flow through me and out of me as wave after wave of God’s Love overtook me right there in my kitchen! A truly supernatural time with God! I had never experienced anything in my life like that moment. I had never heard of anyone experiencing anything like that with God and it was at least two weeks before I clearly understood what had even happened to me!

The disfigurement of my right index finger was something I now truly wanted to hide. I truly wanted to stop doing this awful thing, but the addiction was stronger than ever!

During one visit with my doctor, he began to talk to me about this self abuse and told me he felt I needed to have surgery on my right hand index finger to remove the horrible disfigurement . He said if the damaged tissue was surgically removed, it would be removed from my eyesight and he was convinced if I could no longer see this disfigurement, I would have a chance to stop biting this finger. Although I did not want the surgery, I really felt this doctor was right. I said yes to the suggestion and my doctor called the hand surgeon and lined up the date of surgery.

I still remember walking into that surgery room. I still remember the prayers…and I remember saying over and over to myself….”I KNOW whom I have believed and AM PERSUADED that He is Able…to keep that which I’ve committed unto Him against that day.”

I was actually allowing myself to come to “KNOW” this Jesus! I was spending TIME with Him, intimate moments with Him! I was talking to Him, confiding in Him, and I was just BEGINNING TO REALIZE WHAT KNOWING HIM MEANT!!!

My relationship with Jesus was becoming foremost in my life!

It was starting to come before other things that had held my attention for years. The scriptures were starting to grow inside of me and fill me with a new hope! I was beginning to understand what FAITH meant and I was “being persuaded” every hour of the day that Jesus Christ was ABLE to deliver me from this horrible, demonic habit!

To “know whom I have believed” is to become deeply personally acquainted with Jesus Christ. It is not just about recognizing that He is God, that He is our Savior, but it is more than that! To “know whom I have believed” is to BE DEEPLY INVOLVED , TO BE IN LOVE WITH….THE ONE YOU ARE BELIEIVNG IN!!!

Before this scripture came alive to me, I KNEW there was a God…I knew God could do anything but I did not personally, deeply KNOW or LOVE this God!! He was not personal to me!! He was the God of the Universe, not of me.

Once I began to KNOW WHOM I HAVE BELIEVED and began to spend more time with this Jesus, then it was so much easier to become fully persuaded of the fact that He Is Able!

How much more easily we can believe in and trust SOMEONE WE KNOW THAN WE CAN A STRANGER!!!

All the time, Jesus had wanted to become real to me! He had desired to have that relationship with me, but I was running away. I was afraid that I somehow could never be “good enough,” could never be the “Christian” that I saw sitting in the pews of the church! I thought I had to be a better person BEFORE I could invite Jesus in! I thought I had to get myself healed BEFORE I could invite Jesus in!!! How wrong I was!

Once I understood that HE ALONE COULD HEAL ME and cover all the wounds with His Love, I was able to then become fully persuaded in His Ability and Grace to cover all my sins and heal my diseases!

My trust began to grow!

I began to realize that not only could I believe Him, but I could TRUST HIM with ANYTHING!!! Even feelings I did not understand!

Even addictions I could not break!

The blood that Jesus shed on Calvary covered it all!!!

It even covered this horrible disfigurement on my body….and it covered my inability to stop my addiction!!!

Jesus began to “keep that which I’d committed unto Him against that Day.”

Even until the day of Jesus Christ’s appearing once again….ALL that I’ve committed unto Him, all that I’ve “deposited” in Him, and entrusted unto Him….will be “kept”!! How Awesome is that!!

He will keep all my secrets…He will cover me with His Blood and His Love and His Presence! He will be my strong tower! He will be my shield and fortress!!! He will BE THERE FOR ME FOREVER…..!!!

SOMEONE TO TRUST IN!
SOMEONE TO BELIEVE IN!
SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME!
SOMEONE WHO CAN PROVIDE EMOTIONAL SECURITY!!

SOMEONE WHO CAN TAKE AWAY MY ADDICTIONS BECAUSE I CAN TRUST HIM WITH MY HEART!!!

I remember the first time I was able to look at my right hand after the surgery! It seemed like a blank wall. I no longer felt like hurting that hand. I no longer had any desire to “bite, “tear” or to “disfigure” this hand in any way.

As a matter of fact, I almost never touched the place where the disfigurement had been.

God had removed every desire, every trace of this addiction.
I know Who did it.
Surgeons were there.
Nurses were there.
There was anesthesia and there was an operating room.
But…I KNOW who performed this transformation!
I KNOW whom I have believed!
I KNOW to whom I can commit my life, my heart and my every need.
I KNOW who has healed me.
His name is Jesus.

If there is anyone out there who is reading this and you have a similar problem such as cutting yourself, biting, burning or tearing your own skin, please be assured that Jesus is ENOUGH for you! He will lead you. He will guide you and as you follow Him, stay connected to Him, believe Him, He will help you to heal, also! Because Jesus Christ IS the HEALER!

He might lead you to the right doctor. He might not even use a doctor. He might supernaturally heal you! He can, in one split second, do more than all the doctors in the world could ever do for you. He knows the REASONS this is happening to you. He alone knows the way to HEAL YOU!

I would advise anyone out there who is having a problem with mutilating themselves to first of all, turn everything over to God, get into a prayer support group and fill up on God’s Word! TRUST HIM!

Do not put a “time limit” on how quickly God has to perform something for you! Just simply let Him HAVE this problem, and then follow Him.

He will cause you to know yourself in a deeper way.
He will even cause you to like yourself .
Most of all, He will bring Love and Forgiveness into your life.

My prayer:

Lord Jesus, I pray for all those suffering from self mutilation problems, that you Lord, would show Yourself to be Strong in their lives; that you, Lord, would give them grace to KNOW YOU and YOUR LOVE and FORGIVENESS for Sin. I pray for added strength and courage to believe and to trust You to break this addiction in their lives by the delivering blood of Jesus that rules and reigns. Amen.

Article is copyrighted by Sondra Stallman.
May not reprint without permission from author.